In & Out, Round & About

You may have noticed my absence from the Interwebs the last few weeks – or at least the “can’t think of anything to say except a primal scream” post on Twitter or Facebook. This is bad for an author – the “experts” say we’re supposed to be active on social media! While I’m not usually one to share a lot of personal crap, I thought I should let y’all know that while I’m still alive & kicking, there are things keeping me from having a lot to say:

I’ve been dealing with my mother’s illness (first Parkinson’s, then dementia, then bone cancer) for about five years. All those articles you read about the stress on caregivers? They’re true. I used to love being an only child and now I envy my husband & friends with siblings to share, if not actual care, concerns. While the nursing home she’s in is excellent and I have made peace with my decision to let her go (I signed the papers to put her under hospice care last week), it’s tough to watch her slowly fail. But I was handling it OK…

In April, a client who is a very loved member of my extended family (and by extension, his family, too) had a massive stroke. Having had some exposure to victims of stroke, logically I was prepared for seeing him when he came home but emotionally? No way. To see someone who I love and admire unable to communicate what he’s thinking is heartbreaking. Patience has never been one of my virtues and I’m definitely not a “rah-rah” kind of person but I’m learning. (And if you care, he’s fighting every step of the way & making unbelievably great progress with his rehab.) I’m also the shoulder the wife and youngest daughter lean on. I don’t mind – that’s what friends & family are for – but…

Four weeks ago, the man who has helped me in my business for almost 20 years (also a BFF) had an infection that sent him to the hospital and he’s had some setbacks. His partner keeps me up-to-date with what’s happening. Another extended family member I really need to be supportive of…

I usually handle stress pretty well. But having all this piled on me one-after-the-other took its toll. As an introvert, I just shut myself off from the human world for awhile – it’s how I handle the shitpile. It’s taken me this long to process all my emotions and get back on top of the heap. Sort of. There are still days I want to scream but it’s not quite as overwhelming.

So, I’m not baaaaccckk, but I’m around on occasion. Once some of the load lightens, I should be able to get back to writing, too. (I miss writing but logical-brain-only is required to handle all that’s needed of me.) Be patient with me, please?